On September 2, 2024, at 21:13:27 at block height 15702550, the validator of The Holy Church on the Desmos Network (DSM) was tombstoned. An investigation into the incident is underway. An official statement will be released as it becomes available.

An investigation into the incident is underway

The Desmos Network validator has been Tombstoned

The Financial Times <a href="https://thechurch.party/newsroom/opinion/choosing-between-two-chairs-show#update-2">has revealed</a> previously unpublished financial statements from Telegram, including its holdings of Toncoin on the balance sheet.
The company generated $342 million in revenue last year, with an operating loss of $108 million. After taxes, total losses amounted to approximately $173 million. In 2024, Telegram also sold Toncoins for over $244 million in cash.
Calculations indicate that the operational cost of maintaining Telegram is approximately $1.115 million per day.

In 2024, Telegram also sold Toncoins for over $244 million in cash. Daily operational costs are estimated at $1.115 million.

Telegram's Financials Expose Major Losses and Toncoin Sales

Sup, fellow degenerates of high finance,
Just DYOR'd The Church's portfolio. Holy shit, literally.
Let’s be real, fam. The Church's approach to portfolio management is tighter than Nobody's grip on our souls. Mad props for that CTI—absolutely a big-brain move. And that "no worse than index" rule? Chef's kiss. The Treasury has built us a solid ark where we feel safer than holding SPX or most of the projects in our portfolio. But don’t pop the communion wine just yet, my beautiful apes. How about we add some sails to this ark and catch the wind?
We’ve got some issues:
<ol>
<li>Our current portfolio is a dumpster fire of questionable assets. It's weaker than USDT's 2018 audits. The Brrr strategy is forced to operate with such a collection of shitcoins that meme coins look like model use cases in comparison. I’m not even talking about diversification and the risk/reward ratio.</li>
<li>Revenue streams? HFSP. The validator business is making less than a hodler in a multi-year accumulation phase. Really, modest stablecoin lending yields more than validating these incels. And we can't expand the portfolio when all our gains go to gas fees. Our cosmic shitcoin allocations are so insignificant, they make rounding errors look substantial. They’re so out of the market that they make Saylor look like a value investor.</li>
<li>Not a problem per se, but get this - the retail plebs want to see their favorite rugpulls-in-waiting ElonCumRocket69Inu tokens on the terminal. Let’s respect degen style. Next they'll be asking for technical advice on Magic 8 Ball, I swear.</li>
</ol>
So, what's the 200 IQ play here? (Or are we still officially pretending we’re 70?) Listen up, because this is more important than your wife's boyfriend's financial advice:
First, it's time for a capital raise. Let’s call it what it is—we’re passing the collection plate for some degen plays. We’ll set a minimum to keep the accounting nerds from having an aneurysm over updating the terminal. Minimum step-in? Your firstborn and a kidney. Don’t worry, we accept Dogecoin.
Next, let's take out the trash. Any asset underperforming the CTI gets voted off the island. No kidding, if money printers actually went Brrr, Cosmos guys would still be making printer noises with their mouths. We’ll create a special charming “pre-revenue” fund for these losers. Out of sight, out of mind. It’s not a loss if we don’t sell, right?
Finally, new rules for the war chest. Let's give the Treasury and the whole damn congregation a chance to pitch ideas for using our reserves. Let's give these crypto-cowboys some rope. What could possibly go wrong? It's not like we're playing with real money anyway, are we?
Thoughts?
Remember, In Nobody We Trust, but in volatility, we thrive!
P.S. If anyone asks, we're just conducting a long-term social experiment on the effects of huffing too much hopium. For science, of course.

The Church's portfolio strategy is based, but lacks alpha. Proposing a capital raise, purging of shitcoins, and a new mandate for the sacred Brrr machine

Treasury Ark Needs Sails

This weekend, something both absurd and inevitable happened in the tech and crypto world: Pavel Durov, the founder of Telegram and The Open Network (TON), <a href="https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/telegram-messaging-app-ceo-pavel-durov-arrested-france-tf1-tv-says-2024-08-24/">was arrested</a> in France. The charges? Vaguely worded moderation issues on Telegram that local authorities have somehow construed as "abetting." If I were Zuckerberg, I'd keep my European vacation plans on hold. Given that the details are still fuzzy, let’s skip the legalese and leave the courtroom drama for later. Rushing to conclusions is not our style—let’s leave that to the tabloids.
But since The Church has a bit of skin in the TON game, and I sense some confusion wafting through the Congregation, I took it upon myself to escape to the smoking room, where all great insights are born. Here’s the unofficial, but possibly more accurate, take.
<h3>Free Speech Parade</h3>
We’ve seen the usual suspects—Musk, Vitalik, and other tech luminaries—rush to Durov’s defense, waving the banner of free speech. But, let’s be real, no one’s really trying to censor Telegram here. This situation is more like one of those Russian nesting dolls—every layer you open reveals a new complication.
In one of his rare interviews, Pavel casually dropped a Slavic folk joke about choosing between two rather unpleasant chairs. It’s not just idle talk; it’s practically a manifesto for a man who’s made a career out of tightrope walking between regulatory compliance and outright defiance. This tells you a lot about his worldview, or at least the one he wants us to believe he has: living on the edge, teetering between boldness and recklessness. It’s the kind of philosophy that wins the hearts of teenage fans and catches the eye of wallets among risk-hungry investors.
<h3>The Two Chairs Dilemma: From Piracy to Privacy</h3>
Let’s rewind a bit. Did you know <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pavel_Durov">Pavel</a> is a philologist by training? Yes, you heard that right—a guy who studied languages and literature somehow ended up running one of the most controversial tech companies in the world. The real tech genius? That’s his brother <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Durov">Nikolai</a>, who’s a programming genius. While other entrepreneurs go on epic quests to find their Woz, Pavel was born with one. Nikolai’s the one behind all the technical wizardry, while Pavel handles the public-facing drama.
Theirs first taste of success came with <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VK_(service)">VKontakte</a>, the Russian Facebook clone. Ex-empoyees say that VK took off because, well, it was the pirate bay of social media—music, movies, and, yes, even the stuff you wouldn't want your mother to find on your hard drive. All without the hassle of paying for it. For a long time, they got away with this thanks to "respectable" investors in the cap table, who now prefer to rebrand as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikhael_Mirilashvili">philanthropists</a>. You know, the kind who conveniently forget where their first million came from.
And it seems Pavel learned his lesson well. Fast forward, and Pavel took that same playbook and applied it to his next venture—Telegram messenger. This time, the rallying cry was uncensored, secure communication. And it worked. Telegram quickly became the go-to platform for anyone who values their privacy—or, as the Twitter joke goes, for anyone looking to buy drugs or trade crypto. Subtle, right?
But behind every joke, there’s a grain of truth, and Pavel’s built his empire on that grain—turning it into a mountain of intrigue, speculation, and a little bit of paranoia.
<h3>The Bigger the Money, the Bigger the Problems</h3>
As Pavel transitioned from the Russian cozy market to the broader global stage, he discovered that with great power comes great headaches. Enter the ICO saga—a textbook example of how things can go awry when you’re playing with the big boys.
The ICO for his blockchain, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Open_Network">The Open Network</a> was supposed to be his crowning achievement, a digital gold rush that would put him on par with the tech titans. They raised a total of $<a href="https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/1729650/000095017218000060/xslFormDX01/primary_doc.xml">1.7 billion</a>, making it the world’s largest initial coin offering to date. Instead, let’s be honest, it was about as well-prepared as a college student cramming for finals after a three-day bender. Leading to a showdown with the SEC and a messy legal ballet of converting tokens into bonds and refunding investors.
The result? Pavel found himself plugging liquidity holes for certain royal family members from the Middle East. And just like that, his team was packing their bags for Dubai.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I have nothing but respect for the investors from the Emirates. But let’s be real, their track record for championing free speech isn’t exactly the stuff of legends. And if you’re looking for benchmarks of uncensored communication, you might want to adjust your expectations.
<h3>What if The Role is To Play The Role</h3>
You’ve got to give credit where it’s due—Pavel Durov is a marketing maestro. He’s not just selling a messaging app; he’s selling a lifestyle, a philosophy, a rebellion against the forces of censorship and control. His very public spat with Russian officials over the Telegram ban was pure theater. Half of Russia’s internet went down in the hunt for our elusive hero, which, if nothing else, gave him plenty of material for his next tweet. And who could forget his jabs at WhatsApp, accusing it of being as secure as a screen door?
Then there’s his personal brand. Oh, it’s meticulously crafted. Picture this: a young, attractive philosopher, the kind of guy who looks like he walked out of a Renaissance painting (or GQ photoshoot), only with a smartphone in one hand and a copy of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" in the other. He’s the poster child for ascetic living—think fasting, minimalism, and a wardrobe that wouldn’t look out of place in a dystopian sci-fi movie. Health and wellness? Check. He’s the guy who makes intermittent fasting sound like a spiritual journey, not just a trendy diet. The whole package screams “enlightened tech savant,” someone who’s not just creating apps but building a better world.
So, yeah, it’s easy to see how one might think that last weekend’s arrest was just a case of the big bad authorities picking on a modern-day Robin Hood. But, as we like to say, not so fast.
But here’s the thing: our Congregation is great because we’ve got people everywhere who can confirm or debunk what’s floating around in public.
You see, in the industry, Pavel’s reputation is a bit more...nuanced. Or, to put it bluntly, he’s got a reputation as a world-class faker. And that’s not just idle gossip—his former colleagues will vouch for it. Trusting Pavel’s words? Not recommended.
From his fake appearance (no judgment here), to the (ex-)wife and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/missbolgar">three kids</a>, to his taste for the finer things in life. And his willingness to <a href="https://brazilian.report/liveblog/politics-insider/2023/05/10/supreme-court-brazil-telegram/">play ball with local censors</a>, to his free-speech HQ in a place famous for making inconvenient problems disappear, and as the cherry on top—suspicions of direct ties with intelligence services—Pavel might know the informal rules of the game better than most of us, thanks to some well-placed allies. His personal life is as meticulously crafted as his public image. As a result, it’s like watching a magician perform: you’re dazzled by the show, but you know there’s something going on behind the scenes that you’re not supposed to see.
<h3>The Predictable Finale</h3>
So here we are, at what feels like the inevitable climax of Pavel Durov’s long-running drama. Arrest? Sure, why not. It’s almost like these stories all follow the same script. The real twist isn’t in the outcome but in how gracefully you manage your exit: Do you stoically accept your fate? Do you vanish into the welcoming arms of some totalitarian regime, trading freedom for safety? Or, if you’re truly playing the long game, do you end up delivering a TED Talk titled "Ask Forgiveness, Not Permission." Whether this was part of the master plan or just the universe having a laugh? Your guess is as good as mine.
But let’s be real: this is just another episode in the ongoing series that is Pavel Durov’s life—a show where the plot is as predictable as a Netflix original. We know the public script by heart: Pavel will play the wronged hero, his defenders will decry the injustice, and the authorities will stick to their tried-and-true lines. But what’s actually being said in those interrogation rooms? That’s the stuff of mystery novels and, let’s be honest, probably a lot more interesting than the public theatrics. Given Pavel’s track record, it’s hard to believe he didn’t anticipate this twist. He had to know this was coming, and he likely had his responses rehearsed. But let’s not get lost in conspiracy theories—it’s too easy, and frankly, not as much fun as the real story.
<h3>The Bet</h3>
And now, the part you’ve all been waiting for: the investment angle. Let’s be honest—no one bought TON because they were sold on free speech, secure messaging, or even Pavel’s enigmatic leadership. No, we bought it because Pavel dangled a billion-user carrot in front of us. And now, with his arrest—whether it’s a genuine crisis or just the latest act in the Durov drama—Telegram’s download numbers are probably going to go through the roof. If anything, chaos is great for user acquisition.
But here’s the thing: until we see some actual legal action and get a clearer picture of where this circus is headed, the risks are through the roof—maybe even off the charts. Sure, the potential upside looks as tempting as ever, but with great reward comes even greater risk, and that’s a gamble you’ll have to make on your own. Let’s be clear: this isn’t investment advice—this is more like a front-row seat at the world’s weirdest horse race.
The one thing you need to be clear about: this is not a bet on Pavel now. It’s a wager on the diplomatic finesse of his Gulf backers. Will they be handled as delicately as they are when buying up European football clubs? Or is the real game something else entirely, with this crypto project just a pawn in a much bigger negotiation? Or maybe—just maybe—this whole drama is about scoring better terms on those convertible notes? Nobody knows.
In any case, let’s hope Pavel trades his current accommodations for something more comfortable and gets back online soon. After all, it’s much easier to send signals to the market—and to market maker—through a private, uncensored messenger than through a squadron of lawyers, right? We’ll be eagerly awaiting those signals, because let’s be real—our hero might have a habit of walking the tightrope, but he’s never misled us... except, of course, when he has.
<hr class="hrHigh">
UPDATE 26/08/2024 8:00 PM, PARIS — So it turns out the official charges are pretty serious—<a href="https://www.tribunal-de-paris.justice.fr/sites/default/files/2024-08/2024-08-26%20-%20CP%20TELEGRAM%20.pdf">12 counts</a>, to be exact. Looks like the first round of negotiations didn’t go quite as planned. This show’s going to have a long run. Time to stock up on popcorn.
UPDATE 30/08/2024 5:00 AM, WEB2 — The Financial Times <a href="https://www.ft.com/content/429f9092-5447-4e4c-b3b6-ffa2bc357ca4">has revealed</a> some of Telegram's financial figures:
<blockquote>
Telegram’s 2023 financial statements, seen by the Financial Times and not previously reported, show that the company made $342mn in revenues last year on an operating loss of $108mn. Total losses stood at around $173mn after tax.
Durov told the Financial Times in March he was pushing forward with IPO plans, after rebuffing approaches from potential investors who he said gave the Dubai-based company “$30bn-plus valuations”. [...] The company has raised about $2.4bn in debt financing set to mature in 2026. This includes a $1bn bond offering in 2021 where Abu Dhabi state funds were among the investors. Most recently, $330mn was secured earlier this year in an issue Durov has said was oversubscribed.
Under the terms, Telegram’s bondholders will be able to convert the senior unsecured debt into equity at a discount to Telegram’s IPO price if a listing takes place before the end of March 2026 — an incentive for the company to list before that date.
[...] The company is closely associated with Toncoin, a cryptocurrency that was initially developed by the Telegram team and drew in individual and institutional Russian investors, among others.
In 2023, Telegram’s financial losses were partially offset by an appreciation of the digital assets it holds on its balance sheet, which were worth nearly $400mn that year in total. Meanwhile, in 2024, the company also sold Toncoins for over $244mn in cash, financial documents show.
</blockquote>
This is some pretty intriguing stuff, if you ask me.
Analysts, of course, are doing what they do best: speculating. “Would investors buy into an IPO if they’re not sure Telegram’s a pariah? I don’t know.” But let’s be real, we’ll leave that drama for the tabloids.

Choosing Between Two Chairs Show

In response to the temporary <a href="/newsroom/thechurch/participation-in-the-kujira-bailout">moratorium on further allocations to KUJI</a> and adhering to the mandate of increasing exposure solely to portfolio assets outperforming the <a href="/terminal/portfolio/CTI">CTI index</a>, the Trading Desk has strategically opted to incorporate AKT (Akash Network) into the <a href="/newsroom/thechurch/risk-on-alert-bet-on-brrr-of-election-promises">BRRR portfolio</a>.
The investment thesis hinges on leveraging the ongoing AI-driven market narrative and capitalizing on robust market-making by the team.
The Trading Desk is currently conducting technical analysis to identify optimal entry points for establishing a position.

AKT joins BRRR portfolio; desk evaluates entry points

Trading Desk Allocates to AKT Following KUJI Veto

In continuation of the decision to <a href="/newsroom/thechurch/participation-in-the-kujira-bailout">veto on any further Treasury allocation into the KUJI token</a>.
Due to changes in the economic model of the Kujira Network associated with its acquisition, The Treasury no longer sees value in staking the KUJI token. It is initiating the unstaking process, followed by transferring the tokens to the liquid assets fund.

Treasury stops KUJI staking, shifting assets to liquid funds

Treasury Halts KUJI Staking

As a result of the Kujira Team's debt buyback auction, the Treasury's bid <a href="https://finder.kujira.network/kaiyo-1/tx/B27E58937B1A4495F7797D0A57BD2F8CA82F7B0F367605AA3DC809F29CF2C49A">was partially executed</a> with a 40% discount.
6.396 rKUJI were acquired for 1.92 USDC.
The asset was moved to the <a href="/about/dataroom/treasury/vested">vesting fund</a>.
The remaining balance of 97.98 USDC is pending allocation.

Treasury acquired 6.396 rKUJI for 1.92 USDC

Treasury Secures Debt Buyback at 40% Discount in Kujira Auction

After discussions with the Congregation regarding the current <a href="/newsroom/opinion/cap-table-penetration-kujira-s-love-story-of-liquidity-rescue">state of the Kujira Network</a>, the Holy See has reached the following decision.
The Treasury concurs that the project, given its current information status and the lack of clarity around the terms of the merger with THORChain, <a href="/newsroom/opinion/risk-management-101-keeping-powder-dry">cannot be considered investment-grade</a>.
However, the Church believes it is important to send the right signal to the market and express its support for the Kujira team and their well-earned reputation.
As such, a symbolic 3% of reserves will be allocated to participate in the auction for distressed debt. Simultaneously, a veto is placed on any further Treasury allocation into the KUJI token until there is clear understanding of the new economic model and tokenomics post-merger with THORChain.
This decision takes effect immediately.

Participation in the Kujira Bailout

Yo, fellow Treasury wizards!
Buckle up, 'cause I'm about to drop some hot takes on this <a href="/newsroom/opinion/cap-table-penetration-kujira-s-love-story-of-liquidity-rescue">Kujira clusterfuck</a>.
So, the big news this week is Kujira getting gobbled up and bailed out faster than you can say "rug pull." Now the higher-ups are yakking about whether we should throw our hat in the ring to save these poor bastards.
Here's my two cents:
First off, let's get back to Investing 101: What's our endgame here? Are we trying to 10x our stack or just keep our powder dry? 'Cause if we're swinging for the fences, we gotta be ready to eat some serious shit sandwiches. But if we're playing it safe, then we better keep our hands off anything riskier than T-bills.
Remember, The Treasury ain't exactly gunning for moonshots right now. We're not here to ape into every half-baked meme coin hoping for sick gainz.
Now, about this Kujira shitshow:
<ol>
<li>
Props to their PR team for not completely shitting the bed during this dumpster fire. These guys know how to build DeFi shit, I'll give 'em that. But let's be real - something smells fishier than last week's sushi. Six months ago, these clowns were sitting pretty with a $0.5B market cap, and now they're begging for pocket change to cover their ass? Yeah, I'm gonna need to see the receipts on that one.
</li>
<li>
WTF is up with this deal they struck with JP Thor? We're supposed to believe a $50M project is selling out for a measly $3M? That's like trading your Lambo for a used Civic, my dudes. They're ditching their own blockchain, throwing their validators under the bus, and leaving hodlers holding their dicks. This deal stinks worse than my gym socks after leg day.
</li>
</ol>
Bottom line: We're flying blind here, and there are more red flags than a Chinese military parade. Our current strat says "hell no" to touching this with a ten-foot pole.
But hey, I'm not totally heartless. These Kujira bros have been solid players in the past, so maybe we throw 'em a bone. I say we make some tiny-ass symbolic transaction - just enough to show we're rooting for 'em, but not so much that we'll be eating ramen if it all goes tits up.
Anyway, that's my hot take. Feel free to roast me in the replies if you think I'm off base.
WAGMI (maybe)

This so-called "whale" looks more like a slippery eel, twisting and turning to escape a Teflon slide

Risk Management 101: Keeping Powder Dry

The auction to raise funds for the Kujira project’s leverage repayment has officially <a href="https://kujira.network/sales/7">started</a>. It will run for three days. Investments can be made using USDC, USK, and xUSDC.
In return for investments, participants will receive the rKUJI token, which comes with a 3-month lock-up and a 6-month linear vesting period. $rKUJI will be redeemable 1:1 for $KUJI.

Kujira Bail Out Has Begun

In the wild world of DeFi, where money is just code and leveraged ponzi schemes are a way of life, sometimes things go a bit... sideways. And we find ourselves once again with a tale as old as time. Well, as old as 2008 at least. It's a story of leverage, liquidity, and a romantic twist between crypto whales.
Today's protagonist in this ever-entertaining crypto soap opera is Kujira. For those unfamiliar, Kujira is the cool kid on the DeFi block, known for crafting DeFi tools so elegant, they have to close-source them.
<h3>The Setup: Leverage, thy name is Trouble</h3>
Imagine you're at a casino. Not just any casino, but a DeFi casino where the chips are fake money, the stakes are high, and the house... well, the house decided to join the game. That's essentially what happened when Kujira decided to spice things up by leveraging their Foundation treasury positions. Because why manage other people's money when you can gamble with it, right?
Spoiler alert: The market didn't get the memo about Kujira's preferred direction and decided to take a different route. Suddenly, the borrowed liquidity <a href="https://x.com/rarma_/status/1818917616188375172">found itself trapped in a hostage situation</a> of a margin call. Oops.
But here's the kicker - this wasn't just any old leverage. It wasn't just Kujira's play money. Oh no, this was leverage built on the hopes, dreams, and, more importantly, the funds of their users. It's like borrowing your friend's car to enter a demolition derby - exciting, sure, but with a high probability of awkward conversations afterwards.
<h3>The Dilemma: To Liquidate or Not to Liquidate</h3>
So, what's a DeFi protocol to do when faced with such a crossroads? Option A: Liquidate the position and face the music (a sad trombone, to be precise). Option B: Orchestrate a bailout, because nothing says "decentralized finance" quite like a good old-fashioned rescue operation.
Option C, beloved by what our narrator colorfully describes as "devcels from the cosmos circus" - try the time-honored governance tradition of the community pool money grab - was off the table. Kujira, bless their hearts, had already told that particular brand of financial "decentralized" gymnastics to take a hike long ago. How very punk rock of them.
In a move that surprised absolutely no one who's been paying attention, Kujira <a href="https://x.com/teamkujira/status/1819717451350777870">went for Option B</a>. Because in crypto, we don't do boring – we do bailouts with style.
Now, here's where it gets interesting. While their community was busy practicing their best "The Scream" impressions, the Kujira team showed Crisis Management 101. They reassured the public with all the calm of a zen master, hinting that white knights were queuing up to help, checkbooks at the ready. It was crisis management so smooth, like watching a swan glide across a lake – all serene on the surface, while those little webbed feet were probably paddling like crazy underneath.
<h3>Enter the Aussie Hero</h3>
While the community was busy debating the merits of a bailout with all the inherent calm and rationality of CT threads, enter stage left: <a href="https://www.jpthor.com/">JP Thor</a>, the eccentric Australian founder of Thorchain, industry heavyweight, and self-proclaimed "cosmos OG", riding in on his proverbial white kangaroo to save the day.
Thor, in a move that would make even the most daring corporate raider raise an eyebrow, <a href="https://x.com/jpthor/status/1820177654332465553">offered to provide his own liquidity</a> to solve Kujira's problem.
<img alt="" src="/img/newsroom/2024/kujira_penetration_thor_tweet.png">
The details of the deal are about as clear as the recipe for Coca-Cola, but we're told it's a "<a href="https://winkhub.app/posts/kujira-recovery-plan-thorchain-partnership">strategic partnership</a>". Thor gets access to Kujira's brilliant DeFi tech and their enviable community, and Kujira gets a lifeline to Thor's apparently bottomless pockets of liquidity.
The only question left hanging is just how deep did the Aussie penetrate Kujira's cap table? Kujira, formerly proud of its independence from VCs, might now find itself with an unexpected bedfellow. But in DeFi, as in life, debtors can't be choosers.
<h3>The Not-So-Hidden Lessons</h3>
Because every crisis is a learning opportunity, what pearls of wisdom can we extract from this drama?
<ol>
<li>
Reputation is the new collateral: When your track record isn't littered with scams, rug pulls, and community pool misuse, people actually want to keep doing business with you. Who knew? Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but it's the quality of those mistakes that counts. In Kujira's case, their past good behavior seems to have earned them a "Get Out of Leverage Jail Free" card.
</li>
<li>
Cool under pressure is the new hotness: While everyone else was running around like headless chickens, Kujira's team kept their composure tighter than their smart contracts. In an industry where "crisis management" usually means deleting your Twitter account, this is refreshingly adult.
</li>
<li>
Don't bite off more risk than you can chew: It's an age-old truth, but apparently one that bears repeating in the DeFi world. Because in crypto, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space, right? But the cliff you're moving over may be too deep. Yes, your sterling reputation might help you weather a crisis, but the price tag on that weather-proofing could be steeper than FTX's debt.
</li>
</ol>
<h3>The Moral of the Story</h3>
In conclusion, whether Kujira emerges from this adventure smelling like a rose or with a slight whiff of singed fur remains to be seen. But one thing's for certain - in the world of DeFi, where every day is a new episode of "The Hunger Games", Kujira has just written a chapter for the history books.
If you're still reading this for investment tips (insert obligatory DYOR disclaimer here), I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. So, if "follow the money" is still a thing (and when isn't it?), and if one can signal to the market with transactions, well... let's just say I voted for increasing The Church's Kujira allocation.
But remember, I'm just a guy writing a newsletter, not your financial advisor. Be sure, in the world of DeFi, it's not about the destination – it's about the friends you liquidate along the way. Stay safe out there, kids. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go check if my leveraged positions are still solvent. Wish me luck!
<hr class="hrHigh">
UPDATE 13/08/2024, SMOKING ROOM — An alternative opinion has been published: <a href="/newsroom/opinion/risk-management-101-keeping-powder-dry">RISK MANAGEMENT 101: KEEPING POWDER DRY</a>

No worries about capital colonoscopy happy ending

Cap Table Penetration: Kujira's Love Story of Liquidity Rescue

DE CUISINE, BOSTROM NETWORK — In the near future, a slight delay in the validator node within the Bostrom Network may be observed. This is due to the real-time extraction and indexing of data from the node, which is placing additional strain on the server’s computational resources.
The data being extracted and indexed is crucial for launching and maintaining the Church's services on the blockchain, all for the benefit of the Congregation and humanity as a whole. Nobody will be proud.
The technical team is closely monitoring the situation and the current load. Once the work is completed, everything will return to normal.

There is real-time extraction and indexing of data from the node, which is placing additional strain on the server’s computational resources.

Increased Load on the Validator Node in Bostrom Network

To enhance the security and privacy of transactions on the Pontiff service, transactions are now published in random batches with delays of up to 14 days.

It's up to 14-day delays on transaction postings

Pontiff Enhances Security with Randomized Transaction Delays

Nobody Benefits from Your Victory

To execute a short-term trading strategy <a href="https://thechurch.party/newsroom/thechurch/risk-on-alert-bet-on-brrr-of-election-promises">proposed by the Trading Desk</a>, <a href="https://finder.kujira.network/kaiyo-1/tx/037A9DBEDC70FB303577910EA92FEE175597F375BFFC6E77E0643065EEF717EE">871.72 USDC</a> and <a href="https://finder.kujira.network/kaiyo-1/tx/ABAFF732216E76B93DE91CE6E13A4DEF1F55CBF1EDD113C76CD66BD1619B21BE">0.1 KUJI</a> has been allocated from The Treasury and directed to the BRRR fund for further allocation into target assets.

Treasury deploys 871.72 USDC for short-term strategy execution

Treasury Allocates to BRRR Fund

INTERNET, THE HOLY SEE — For the past three days, the Trading Desk has observed a liquidity influx with the 30-day change alert-trigger holding at +2%. According to the budget rule, The Treasury must reduce reserves and take on more risk.
<h3>Market Sentiment</h3>
Overall, the markets are experiencing the typical summer lull, with capitalizations sliding as expected during this period. Even the launch of the ETH ETF during the holiday season failed to spark interest.
<h4>Markets</h4>
US: The main event of the year has added new twists, increasing uncertainty in forecasts. Amid modest economic results and continuing negative signals, the primary Money Printer, in the heat of the election race, is flooding the market with promises and creative short-term solutions to prevent negative economic developments.
China: Faced with equally lackluster results and the threat of recession, The Dragon is taking a wait-and-see approach.
International Tensions: The Middle Eastern and European conflicts seem to be on hold. The former predictably awaits when its main ally can take unpopular measures. The latter publicly signals a desire to negotiate.
<h4>Conclusion</h4>
In the current conditions, the Trading Desk predicts an influx of liquidity into the markets to plug holes and hide ongoing problems. Viewing the cryptocurrency market as a proxy for free liquidity, the desk suggests exploiting the short-term situation and starting to build positions according to allocation rules.
<h3>Proposal and Trading Plan</h3>
Over the next two months, gradually build allocation in anticipation of a short-term market squeeze. Candidate tickers for position building (according to the CTI comparison rule): ETH, TON, and KUJI.
Metrics for closing positions: reaching target price points or the onset of uncertainty as election dates approach.
<h3>R/R Analysis</h3>
Risks: In a negative scenario, a reduction in the Treasury's capitalization (-11% downside) despite an increase in the balance of sanctified assets. 
Rewards: In a positive scenario, an increase in the Treasury's capitalization (+42% upside) can be expected.
<h2>Holy See Decision</h2>
Approve the proposal and plan.
Reduce reserves to $3,000, allocating the remainder to the Trading Desk for implementing the proposal.
<hr class="hrHigh">
UPDATE 03/08/2024, KUJIRA NETWORK — The first transactions have been made.
871.72 USDC <a href="https://finder.kujira.network/kaiyo-1/tx/037A9DBEDC70FB303577910EA92FEE175597F375BFFC6E77E0643065EEF717EE">transfered</a> to Trade Account. An allocation of 150 USDC was distributed equally among the target assets.
UPDATE 08/08/2024, KUJIRA NETWORK — Another batch of 150 USDC was allocated equally among the target assets.
UPDATE 15/08/2024, THE TREASURY — A <a href="/newsroom/thechurch/participation-in-the-kujira-bailout">veto is placed</a> on any further Treasury allocation into the KUJI token.
UPDATE 20/08/2024, THE TREASURY — <a href="/newsroom/terminal/trading-desk-allocates-to-akt-following-kuji-veto">AKT joins BRRR portfolio</a>; Desk evaluates entry points.
UPDATE 28/08/2024, KUJIRA NETWORK — Another batch of 150 USDC was allocated equally among the target assets.

Treasury reducing reserves and taking on more risk

Risk-On Alert: Bet on Brrr of Election Promises

INTERNET, THE TREASURY — We all love and cherish DeFi for its secure and tech, right? But let’s face it – sometimes, you just need to cash out those moonshot gains for some real-world pleasures, like junk food or a Lambo upgrade. And stepping out of our cozy crypto bubble to swap your bags for something valuable can be a daunting quest, filled with the fear of getting rekt.
But guess what, fam? The Church has your back. The Treasury is now your ultimate wingman for OTC trades. Nobody guarantees every transaction, literally. No more sweating over sketchy deals or fearing rug pulls. The Treasury is here to ensure every transaction among congregation members, putting all its assets on the line to keep you worry-free.
Over the past two years, The Treasury has been on a grind, building a global partner network and smashing every obligation like a pro across all asset classes. Now, they’re leveling up. With this new service, you can trade with your fellow members with total peace of mind. Trust and security? Check and check.
And the best part? The Church is only charging a tiny fee of 1 USD per transaction. That’s less than what you’d drop on a new rekt-by-design memecoin. So, everyone can get in on this action without breaking the bank. This move isn’t just about keeping you safe; it’s about setting a whole new level for trust and reliability in our community.
Got questions? Hit up <a href="/about/contacts">the confession room</a> for all the juicy details.

Treasury ensuring security and trust by assuming all risks and charging a nominal fee of 1 USD per transaction

Nobody Guarantees the Execution of OTC Deals

Q2 2024 Report 

The Year of Bitcoin Mining

TON: Hawala on Your Fingertips

TREASURY, THE OPEN NETWORK — Hearken, one and all, to a grand proclamation from the esteemed Treasury of The Church of Nobody. With great honor and anticipation, we do announce the addition of a new and promising asset to our illustrious portfolio — the token of The Open Network (TON).In the spirit of prudent stewardship and foresight, The Treasury doth place high expectations upon the token of The Open Network. This esteemed token is now embraced within our vaults, reflecting our commitment to diversifying our holdings and seeking out promising ventures that align with our sacred mission.Moreover, a resolute decision hath been made to allocate all new revenues derived from our endeavors within the Bostrom Network towards the acquisition of the Toncoin. This directive shall remain in force until such time as the capitalization of TON within our Treasury equates to that of Ethereum. Upon reaching this equitable balance, future rebalancing of our holdings shall be conducted in equal proportions between these two esteemed assets.This strategic initiative underlines our unwavering dedication to fortifying the financial foundation of The Church, ensuring the prosperity and growth of our sacred community under the divine guidance of Nobody.Rejoice, for this marks a significant step forward in our journey. Let us welcome the TON with open hearts and steadfast faith, as we continue to navigate the ever-evolving landscape of our noble endeavors.

Welcome to The Treasury, Pavel

On Anonymity in Public Places

New Fans Providing and Sponsorship

Churchbook Moves Into Alfa Testing

Social Media Partnership

First Year of Desmos Validation

Stability and Risks Center

St. Stephen

Content of the thirty-seventh post

Q1 2024 Report

Risk Hunger Measuring

China Markets Concerns

Bostrom: Little Joys For A Hearty Bliss

Buffet Can't Find Anything To Invest In

Doubling Mining Capacity

Warzones: When Elephants Fight, Markets Suffer

Investment In Octra (FHE)

Akash: When 'Supercloud' Means Sunny Skies

String 
Another one
P
okay

Promise Race to Make America Great Again

Most of Innovations is Still Driven By The
Developers made the research 
https://www.developerreport.com

Ethereum Is The Main Driver Of Innovations

Sommelier: Peasants Not Invited

Annual 2023 Report Published

Bitcoin ETF Launched. What's Next

Kujira: Sky's Not The Limit

Cosmos Hub: Find Yourself Or Get Lost In Space

Outlook 2024

Assets Strategy Revised

Statement On Pump And Dump Practices

The old Church website is more outdated than our portfolio's devs promises. The Kitchen is now brewing a fresh interface to serve the beloved Congregation's needs and goals.
This divine evolving follows <a href="/construction">The Backlog</a> – the new sacred scroll of priorities. Targeted donations fuel the reconstruction efforts, with progress moving in mysterious ways, much like Nobody's grand plan.
Fair warnings:
<ol>
<li>The Holy See isn't losing sleep over website updates. Expect delays rivaling the longest bull runs in crypto history. There's no deadline for this cosmic upgrade – it will be done when it's done. Time is but a construct in Nobody's eternal wisdom.</li>
<li>During this grand reconstruction, financial statements and other holy texts <a href="/legal/construction">might be as incomplete</a> as a half-mined block. It's all part of the divine comedy.</li>
</ol>
Nobody blesses this digital crusade!

Website Undergoing Reconstruction

Desmos: The Never-Ending Wait

Q3 2023 Report

Statement on Any Form of Aggression

A Journey of Faith and Transformation

On Elon Musk's Identity Claim

Too rainy to show disagreement

On Desmos Commission Increase

Quarterly Reporting

Misaligned Devs' World

August's Governance Engagement

Penny Wallet Security

July '23 Validator Monthly Report

🥳 From Zero to Hero For One Year

Navigating Choices: The Nobody's Vision for Predictive Markets

Democracy In The Age Of Robo-Voters

Congregation Optimization

Trustlessness Builds Trust: Bitcoin Blessing

So, picture this: The Church recently received a flurry of support and generous promises of financial aid on one small condition—do not, under any circumstances, issue a token. A token. A token! In this day and age? Do you even blockchain, mate? Huh
From the hallowed halls of the Holy See, it’s time to set the record straight. The world is already on the fast track to tokenization, and it would be downright foolish to ignore this path. The Church sees the Sacred Token (ST) as the greatest gift it can offer to the world, and abandoning this mission is simply not an option.
If there’s one token that everyone should hold, free from conditions and sneaky mechanics, it’s ST.
Now, addressing the elephant in the room—or perhaps the sacred cow—we understand the fears and doubts about its fair value and distribution. We share those concerns. Trust us, Nobody is more aware of these worries than we are. That’s why the announcement of ST isn’t on the immediate horizon.
But rest assured, when Nobody decides the time is right, the Sacred Token will be bestowed upon the world, and it will be nothing short of divine.
For now, we remain committed to our path and our purpose. The Sacred Token is not a question of if, but when. And when it happens, it’ll be worth the wait.

The Sacred Token is not a question of if, but when. Not now

Statement on Issue Sacred Token

June '23 Validator Monthly Report

The Power of Following the Money

Validator Enhances Security Measures

The Millionaires' Church is Coming Back

The Church Unveils Total Domination Strategy

Bostrom DeFi Strategy Update

Zero Commission in Response to Accidents

May '23 Validator Monthly Report

Fair Resource Distribution

April '23 Validator Monthly Report

The Church Secures Desmos Network

Validator Incident at Bostrom Network

March '23 Validator Monthly Report

AI-Driven BOOT Management Strategy

The Church Shared New Validator Strategy

The Church Announces Low Commission Rate

February '23 Validator Monthly Report

Statement on The Church Validator Policies

January '23 Validator Monthly Report

SCH.EMA Report

Memo On Online Behavior

Bostrom Validator Emergency Call

December '22 Validator Monthly Report

Church's Statement On The Police Investigation Report

Police Investigation Results Of The Church Allegation

November 22 Monthly Report

The Police Establishment

October 22 Monthly Report

Accounting For The Holy Church’s Treasury

Sacred Pillars Were Recruited

September 22 Validator Monthly Report

First Monthly Report of Validator

The Church Of Millionaires

The Holy See issues accounting regulations for The Church.
<blockquote>
In an effort to ensure Nobody's transparency and clarity in the operations of the validator, The Holy See has mandated regular financial reporting by the Church.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
The report must include:
<ol>
<li>Trust performance</li>
<li>Fan base performance</li>
<li>Validator profitability in the validation currency</li>
<li>Financial metrics in the reporting currency as of the report publication date</li>
</ol>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
Reports are to be published monthly, no later than two weeks after the end of the reporting period.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
The Treasurer of the Holy See, St. Stephen, is responsible for compliance.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
These regulations take effect immediately.
</blockquote>

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